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A few decades ago, it was a lot easier to be a kid. Be polite to grown-ups, eat your vegetables, stay out of trouble—that pretty much got you through. Now, fast forward to 2011, where things are just a little different. First-graders tossing profanities around? Check. Pre-teens knowing the street names of most drugs? Frighteningly common. Sex at 12? Don’t pretend it isn’t happening. Yes, kids’ lives have become more complicated, and it looks like the lessons we need to teach them have too.
1 Be accepting. While it’s nice to think we’ve evolved as a species, there are frequent enough acts of ignorance and prejudice to disabuse us of that notion. Sure, tolerance and harmony seem like commonsense ideas that any normal person should espouse, but don’t assume that your kids see things so clearly. They’re still young, and impressionable, and the wrong messages can sometimes be persuasive. It’s your job to help them see the world through a clear lens.
Imparting the crucial messages today is a sensitive song-and-dance that requires delicate execution – and we’re here to help. You can’t keep your kid in a bubble, but you can do your best to make sure he or she turns into a productive, well-adjusted, non-delinquent member of society. Here’s the good news: Any kid – anyone – only needs to know five rules to live right. If you can somehow get your progeny to internalize a handful of tenets (by the way, don’t call them “tenets"), you’re off on the right foot. Here are the five most critical life lessons you ought to convey to your offspring while they’re still willing to listen to you.
1. Be accepting. While it’s nice to think we’ve evolved as a species, there are frequent enough acts of ignorance and prejudice to disabuse us of that notion. Sure, tolerance and harmony seem like commonsense ideas that any normal person should espouse, but don’t assume that your kids see things so clearly. They’re still young, and impressionable, and the wrong messages can sometimes be persuasive. It’s your job to help them see the world through a clear lens.
GOOD: Everyone has a heart and a soul. And that’s the only thing that matters.
BAD: Be nice to everyone, you never know when you’re going to need something from someone.
2. Show respect. Call it being a mensch. Call it being a stand-up kind of person. Call it general kindness and sensitivity. However you describe it, it’s the simplest act we should all offer each other every day: basic consideration. Kids usually get that part easily enough; the part they sometimes have a harder time with is the part about having respect for yourself. Tell them often why you think they’re great and they’ll learn to be the kind of people who want to make others feel good about themselves too.
GOOD: Don’t compare yourself to anyone else. Be the best that you can be.
BAD: Don’t take crap from anybody. Let them know they can’t mess with you – that’s how you get results.
3. Tell the truth. There are really only two circumstances in which you should lie: to avoid hurting someone’s feelings or to keep a surprise party a surprise. Outside of those two scenarios, it will serve you best to be the kind of person who regularly says things that are, y’know, true. It’s amazing how much weight a simple little thing like trust can carry. The best way to demonstrate that little nugget to your kids? By living it yourself.
GOOD: No one will ever resent you for telling the truth as long as you do it with tact.
BAD: It isn’t lying if you don’t get caught.
4. Be yourself. Hey, it ain’t easy out there. Sometimes conformity seems like the easy way to go, and it doesn’t take much for kids to get freaked out into being anyone other than who they really want to be. Let them know that they have choices and that, most important of all, you’re in their corner. For the most part, they don’t want advice or lectures; they just want to know there’s someone who believes in them even when they make stupid mistakes. When they mess up, don’t let them know how big a blunder it was. Tell them about some of the ones you’ve made.
GOOD: No matter what you choose to stand for or believe in, I’m always going to love and support you.
BAD: Can’t you try to be a bit more normal?
5. Keep your promises. At the end of the day, all you have is your word. If you can get your kid to take that message to heart, you’re a leg up on most parents. Tell them your own basic principles, how you arrived at them, and what you do to try to uphold them in your daily life. They’ll get that you aren’t just yapping to hear your own voice, but that you’re actually talking about something that has meaning in the bigger picture.
GOOD: A person is only as good as their word.
BAD: If you ever lie, I’ll break your knuckles.
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